{"product_id":"mlkfrts-milk-hurts-mace-tee","title":"MLKFRTS  |  Milk Hurts Mace Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMLKFRTS  |  Milk Hurts Mace Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePasteurized. Pressurized. Approved for personal defense.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Department of Mild Concerns tried a warning label first. Nobody read it. So Peculiar Pastures County put the milk in a carton with a spray nozzle on top and let the product speak for itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUp front, a cream-colored carton reads MILK HURTS in heavy black letters, with PASTEURIZED FLATULENCE and CERTIFIED EMISSIONS underneath. A small Peculiar Pastures County seal sits near the bottom above NET 12 FL OZ (355 ML), and a pale blue cloud drifts off the nozzle. One pump. Twelve ounces. Clear the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOn the back, the Flatus Eruptus seal sits high and small: a Holstein in full respiratory gear, standing on rolling blue hills inside an oval under the MLKFRTS Supply Co. name, with a single star underneath. It's filed between the shoulder blades as a courtesy to anyone downwind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront: Milk Hurts carton, centered on the chest\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBack: Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAS Colour Staple Tee: midweight 5.3 oz, 100% combed cotton, pre-shrunk, with a soft hand feel (heather colors are an 85% cotton \/ 15% viscose blend)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRegular fit with sizing that runs true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSide seams provide structure and help the shirt retain its shape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRibbed seamless collar with neck and shoulder tape for lasting shape and comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep out of reach of anyone who asked for a sip.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStay upwind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Do not iron\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Do not bleach\u003cbr\u003e- Do not tumble dry\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"MLKFRTS Supply Co.","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":57836248203430,"sku":"16240614379431583895","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Carolina Blue","offer_id":57836248236198,"sku":"24661765084879660742","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Charcoal","offer_id":57836248268966,"sku":"15755052075210296951","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Dark Chocolate","offer_id":57836248301734,"sku":"18515108896778471124","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":57836248334502,"sku":"13354080418240087465","price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Slate 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