Shipping, Returns & Mild Concerns
Department of Mild Concerns – Officially Unofficial Policies
We ship peculiar goods. Sometimes they arrive. Sometimes they take the scenic route. Here’s how it works, without the corporate theater.
Shipping
Orders are processed within 1–3 business days (unless the cows are staging a protest).
You’ll get a tracking number once it leaves the warehouse.
Domestic (US) shipping rates are calculated at checkout.
We currently ship within the United States. International is not available yet — the parcels are still learning how to behave at borders.
If something sells out, it is gone. We do not restock on demand. This is not a threat. It is simply how we operate.
Returns & Exchanges
Changed your mind? Fair.
You have 14 days from delivery to initiate a return.
Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still in original condition with tags.
(Soft gear that has already experienced “naturally occurring emissions” is not eligible.)
To start a return, email support@mlkfrts.com with your order number.
We’ll send you instructions.
Return shipping is the customer’s responsibility unless we shipped you the wrong item or something arrived defective. In those cases, we cover it.
Refunds are issued to the original payment method once we receive and inspect the return (usually 5–7 business days after it arrives back to us).
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you restock sold-out items?
No. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Limited quantities are part of the charm (and the mild chaos).
Can I change or cancel my order?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
What if my package is lost or damaged?
Contact us with photos and your order number. We’ll make it right.
Do you ship internationally?
Not yet. The parcels are still under observation.
Is the Jr. gear really soft?
Yes. Soft gear. Bold nonsense. The rest is between you and the bottle.
Will the print crack or peel?
No. The graphics are built to survive repeated soft-gear wash cycles and the occasional milk incident. The only thing that should fade is your dignity after the third “naturally occurring emission.”
What is the Peculiar Parcel Society?
It is a society for those whose intolerance has been accepted, embraced, and occasionally celebrated.
Members understand that milk hurts, choose violence anyway, and are comfortable receiving objects that probably shouldn’t be shipped.
The waitlist is now open.
Curiosity is required. Regret is optional.
Don’t shake the box.
Do you take custom orders or wholesale?
We’re open to it. If you have a strange idea, a bulk request, or something the Department of Mild Concerns hasn’t thought of yet, get in touch at hello@mlkfrts.com.
Carrier pigeons also accepted. Response time may vary depending on the weather and the mood of the cows.
Still have a question that doesn’t fit the above?
Email support@mlkfrts.com.
We read every message. We respond to most of them. We regret some of them.