County of Peculiar Pastures · Dept. of Mild ConcernsForm DDS-1 · Incident Report
Peculiar Pastures County seal

The Case Files · Form DDS-1

Share Your Dairy Disaster Story

Case No.DDS-PENDING

Every dairy incident deserves a witness.

Maybe it was the latte before the meeting. The ice cream on the first date. The cereal at 11 PM, which you knew better than to have. Whatever happened, it happened, and you've been carrying it alone.

Not anymore. This is a judgment-free zone. No laughing at you. Only laughing with you, from a respectful distance, upwind.

Tell us what happened. We're listening.

Begin statement

Form DDS-1 · Rev. Whenever

Statement of Incident

Your statement will be received in confidence.

A first name, a nickname, or ‘Anonymous Witness.’ Your call.
Only so we can say thanks. We won't share it.

Fine print · Form DDS-1

Stories may be lightly edited for length and dignity. We never publish names or details that identify you, and nothing goes up without review. If your story gets featured in the Case Files, we'll send you 15% off your next order as thanks.

This page is for laughs and solidarity, not medical advice. If dairy is really causing trouble, a doctor is a better listener than we are.

Stay upwind.

County Hall Read the Official Record

Satire. This is not an official government form. Form DDS-1 · Dept. of Mild Concerns