Official website of a county that does not exist
Peculiar Pastures County
Official Business (Mostly)
Welcome to the county. Population: you, the cows, and whoever stood too close.
The Department of Mild Concerns keeps the records. The Supply Office keeps the shelves stocked. The Case Files keep everything that happened. Please stay upwind.
Section 01 · Dept. of Mild Concerns
Active Notices
The Department of Mild Concerns monitors the county for anything slightly off. Most things are slightly off. Current notices are posted below for public awareness and light reading.
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Notice DMC-001Posted
Inspection Notice
An official notice has been posted for public review. Residents are encouraged to read it calmly and from a reasonable distance.
Read Notice DMC-001 → -
Notice DMC-002Ongoing
Cows Under Observation
The cows are being watched. The cows are aware. Nobody has blinked since Tuesday.
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Notice DMC-003Under review
Atmospheric Conditions
Air quality is within county limits. The limits have been adjusted. Residents are advised to stay upwind.
Resident Compliance Ratings · Form DMC-27
Rate a Resident
Every county has one resident who keeps it together and one everyone has been quietly worried about. Assign the grade. Gift the shirt. The Department will not be taking questions.
Rating: Grade A
Fully Compliant
For the friend who keeps it together.
Rating: Grade F
Notice of Non-Compliance
For the friend everyone's been worried about.
Grades are final. Appeals may be submitted to the cows.
Section 02 · Supply Office
Standard Issue
“Field Issue” Gas Mask Cow Tee
Standard issue from Peculiar Pastures County.
Gas-mask cow on the front. Full cow head and the Field Issue stamp on the back. Built for residents who report to the pasture daily and prefer to breathe through a filter.
ItemTee, field
ClearancePasture level
FeeFrom $36
Requisition YoursNo paperwork required. A shirt size is.
Also on the shelf
Section 03 · Case Files
Incident Reports
Every dairy incident deserves a witness. If it happened to you, file it. Statements are received in confidence, lightly edited for length and dignity, and never published with your full name.
Featured statements receive a formal thank-you from the county.
File No.CF-0001
Incident
Location
WitnessesThe cows
“ and that is when I learned to read the label.”
Featured statements are coming soon. The county is still recovering from the first batch.
Section 04 · Residents
The Herd
The Herd is Mightier than the Flock.
The county's residents watch the fence line, read every notice, and show up when called.
Report for duty and get 10% off your first order. You'll also hear first when new goods leave the pasture. The Herd does not spam. It grazes.
Resident issue
This is not an official government page. Peculiar Pastures County is a state of mind.
Dept. of Mild Concerns · Supply Office · Case Files · Stay upwind.