County of Peculiar Pastures · Rm. 112Form JTF-112-A · Joint Task Force on Unexplained Grazing

In effectPublic advisory · All districts

County-Wide Advisory No. 112-A

Subject: The Herd. A large, calm, unregistered group of dairy-aligned residents.

Issued by the Joint Task Force on Unexplained Grazing

A gas-masked cow standing alone on a cracked rural road at dusk beside a blank rusted sign
Exhibit 112-A/04 · Subject: Herd member, unidentified. Observed staring. Did not disperse.
Peculiar Pastures County sealIssued under County seal
Subject
The Herd
Issued by
Joint Task Force on Unexplained Grazing
Office
Rm. 112 · County Hall
Status
Ongoing.
Cause
Unexplained.
Ref.
JTF-112-A · Rev. 00
Expires
Not expected

Section 01 · Reported events

Residents are advised of the following events attributed to the Herd:

06 reports on file · 00 explained

  1. Report 112-A/01Class: VegetationStatus: Open

    Unexplained grazing.

    Grass in several County lots has been found shorter than it was. No one has come forward. The Herd was seen nearby.

  2. Report 112-A/02Class: EquipmentStatus: Units not located

    Missing Flock.

    Several observation units have been reported missing from their poles. The poles remain. The units do not. The Herd denies involvement. The Herd was not asked.

  3. Report 112-A/03Class: County propertyStatus: Under review

    Damage to County property.

    One observation box was found facing the wrong direction. It is believed to have been looking at nothing for some time. It was last seen pointed at the Herd.

  4. Report 112-A/04Class: AssemblyStatus: Still staring

    Unauthorized gathering.

    Witnesses describe the Herd standing in a field, staring. When asked to disperse, the Herd continued staring.

  5. Report 112-A/05Class: BeverageStatus: No explanation

    Beverage irregularities.

    An unusual amount of whole milk was purchased within County limits. No explanation was offered. Herd members were seen carrying it with purpose.

  6. Report 112-A/06Class: OngoingStatus: Unresolved

    Acts of Dairy Defiance.

    Herd members have been witnessed committing multiple Acts of Dairy Defiance in public. The acts are small, calm, and ongoing. No arrests have been attempted.

Section 02 · Public guidance

The Task Force reminds residents to:

  1. Directive 1Remain calm.
  2. Directive 2Report anything unusual.
  3. Directive 3Not make eye contact for long periods.
  4. Directive 4Not engage the Herd.
Report something unusual

Reports are received by the Dept. of Mild Concerns, Rm. 105.

Advisory remains in effect until further notice.

Further notice is not expected.

End of bulletin · JTF-112-A · Subject: The Herd

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Subject file: The Herd →Not a County department. Under observation.

Satire. This is not an official government page. Form JTF-112-A · Rm. 112