MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic

MLKFRTS | Milk Hurts Mace Tee

S / Black
$36.00
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MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • AS Colour 5001 Staple Tee size chart with width and length measurements
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in white on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in black on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in dark chocolate on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in charcoal on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in slate blue on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue, back view showing the Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue, model wearing it, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • MLKFRTS Milk Hurts Mace Tee in Carolina blue on a hanger, front view showing the Milk Hurts milk carton graphic
  • AS Colour 5001 Staple Tee size chart with width and length measurements
MLKFRTS | Milk Hurts Mace Tee

MLKFRTS | Milk Hurts Mace Tee

$36.00
Size
Color
  • Ships in 1–3 business days. Arrives 4–10 business days after that. US only.
  • 30-day returns on unworn items with tags.
  • Field-issued. Shipped with caution. This is not a threat.
  • Size guide →

MLKFRTS | Milk Hurts Mace Tee

Pasteurized. Pressurized. Approved for personal defense.

The Department of Mild Concerns tried a warning label first. Nobody read it. So Peculiar Pastures County put the milk in a carton with a spray nozzle on top and let the product speak for itself.

Up front, a cream-colored carton reads MILK HURTS in heavy black letters, with PASTEURIZED FLATULENCE and CERTIFIED EMISSIONS underneath. A small Peculiar Pastures County seal sits near the bottom above NET 12 FL OZ (355 ML), and a pale blue cloud drifts off the nozzle. One pump. Twelve ounces. Clear the room.

On the back, the Flatus Eruptus seal sits high and small: a Holstein in full respiratory gear, standing on rolling blue hills inside an oval under the MLKFRTS Supply Co. name, with a single star underneath. It's filed between the shoulder blades as a courtesy to anyone downwind.

The Shirt

  • Front: Milk Hurts carton, centered on the chest
  • Back: Flatus Eruptus seal on the upper back
  • AS Colour Staple Tee: midweight 5.3 oz, 100% combed cotton, pre-shrunk, with a soft hand feel (heather colors are an 85% cotton / 15% viscose blend)
  • Regular fit with sizing that runs true to size
  • Side seams provide structure and help the shirt retain its shape
  • Ribbed seamless collar with neck and shoulder tape for lasting shape and comfort

Keep out of reach of anyone who asked for a sip.

Stay upwind.

Care instructions
- Do not iron
- Do not dryclean
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Do not tumble dry

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