THE HERD | 2% Wanted Poster Tee
THE HERD
2% Wanted Poster Tee
Exhibit TH-55302 · On file
- Ships in 1–3 business days. Arrives 4–10 business days after that. US only.
- 30-day returns on unworn items with tags.
- Field-issued. Shipped with caution. This is not a threat.
- Size guide →
Wanted for Acts of Dairy Defiance. Not especially worried about it.
File 112-A/W-01 concerns one Donut "Two Percent" Udderson. Affiliation: the Herd. Charge: Multiple Acts of Dairy Defiance, the details of which the County declines to list in full. Status: at large. Last seen on County Line Rd., walking, not running. The name is on file exactly as given. The Task Force has stopped asking about it.
Up front is the poster the Joint Task Force on Unexplained Grazing (Rm. 112) nailed to every fence post in the County: WANTED FOR ACTS OF DAIRY DEFIANCE, DONUT "TWO PERCENT" UDDERSON, WARNING: STAY UPWIND. Donut stares back through his gas mask from in front of the lineup lines, a blue 2% tag in the corner, PECULIAR PASTURES COUNTY JAIL across the bottom. On the upper back sits the Herd's own seal: a gas-masked cow in a round badge, THE HERD across the top and IS MIGHTIER THAN THE FLOCK across the bottom. The County signed the front. The Herd signed the back.
The County issued the poster. The Herd made it a uniform. Word of it gets around through The Udder Ground faster than the Task Force can put up replacements. The full file is posted on Advisory No. 112-A, alongside the juvenile group file and the Peculiar Three Lineup Long Sleeve Tee. The habit the County keeps writing up is on the Dairy Defiance Tee, and the rest of the Herd is on the Herd page. Anyone can wear it. The Herd doesn't check papers.
The Shirt
- Front: the Two Percent WANTED poster, centered on the chest
- Back: the Herd seal (The Herd Is Mightier Than the Flock), upper back
- Medium weight 5.3 oz/yd² (180 g/m²): solid colors are 100% combed, ring-spun cotton; heather blends are 85% cotton / 15% viscose
- Regular fit that runs true to size
- Side seams and a ribbed knit collar for lasting shape and comfort
- Neck and shoulder twill tape and a tear-away inner neck label for a clean finish
- Natural, White, Athletic Heather or Carolina Blue, S to 3XL (not every size is offered in every color)
Subject is considered calm and unbothered. Do not approach from downwind.
Stay upwind.
Care instructions
- Do not iron
- Do not dryclean
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Do not tumble dry
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